A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Friendship is such a complex idea. Especially as you grow older. It is worse from the late 20s into late 40s.
It is worse for men. There are friends who can be with you through the toughest times of life. But it becomes hard for them to be with you when the seasons change for the better.
They pray with you for the blessing, but the blessing becomes too much for them to handle.
I choose to be vulnerable for others to learn from, but also know that I am human. I am being honest so that others may see light.
Those who’ve known me for longer know how and where I started my Nairobi life; Mathare. Life in Mathare hits you and shapes you in different ways. I have shared before how rough that life was. How lack had camped into my life. In this place I forged really great friendships that have lasted for over a decade and half now.

Breaking friendship

One of these great guys, who we are friends to date, I severed the friendship for over a year. We had been the closest of friends, then one evening I went silent. What happened?
For almost ten years we had been praying for each other to overcome both poverty and the poverty mentality; that can cripple anyone especially if you have spent a significant amount of time living in the ghetto.
In one of our catch ups, he tells me he has left Thika road to go and live on the other side of Uhuru highway. A place of opulence. He had chosen to leave the almost fully furnished house. Chose to start living on a clean slate. New house, new everything. He got to share how he had succeeded in owning everything we dreamed of while we lived in our single rooms in Mathare.
From the conversations, he was living the dreams we prayed so earnestly for. Then in my heart something happened, I started feeling he was being boastful. I started to resent him, someone I truly loved, and cared for. I started losing touch. Not too long after, we talked and he’d just bought a new car. He was so happy with the progress he had made. This multiplied my resentment. And I went silent for another couple of months. I was going through a rough time. I was on the other end of the spectrum of success.
On New Year’s Eve, I chose to make peace with everyone I had offended and those who had offended me. I made quite a number of calls, and he was among those I called.

Our Java Story

We set up a meeting on the first weekend of January. Location: Java Koinange. Why? During our time in Mathare, Java was the most elitist thing to do. How rich would you have to be to walk in and drink coffee worth 170Ksh? We both loved Jazz and art. We envisioned the evening jazz sensations serenading our hearts. We looked forward to spending hours reviewing the arts from different painters, and designers. Writing poetry and stories as we observed people. We knew that when the time was right, we would take our ladies through all the stages of betrothal; from strangers, to friends, to girlfriends, then propose to them, and then make it our joint marriage date night venue.
This was one of the reasons we wanted to be rich. We swore in our dungeons that going to Java would be our means of defying poverty. When money had begun trickling in we began experiencing the different Java outlets in Nairobi. We always met to celebrate the milestones we had made. And Java Koinange was always our choice location for serious friendship-defining conversation.
We met, I shared why I had been upset and angry, and I got to hear his side of the story.
Here is how I was wrong all along;

Failing to see God in the Miracles

He chose to share about all these exploits that were happening in life because of how far we had come. As a reminder of the promises and commitments we had made when we lived in poverty. He was sharing so that we celebrated together on what God had done in his life. He moved from Thika Road as part of the self-commitment of enjoying the posh estates. We lived with the belief; ”we are human as those who live in posh estates.”
House makeover was turning a new life. And he shared with me because I would understand what this leap meant compared to where we started. He knew it would be a point for me to thank God for fulfilling some of the things we dreamed of. When He bought a car, he shared the news with me because I knew what it meant.
He had been unwell and the doctors had said he would never drive a car. These were miracles in our own eyes. He had gotten supernatural healing and additional blessings of driving and owning a good vehicle.
He was sharing so that we celebrate God together; and what did I do? I saw it as boasting. I failed to see God and let my feelings cloud our friendship. I apologized not only to him but also to God. I had failed to see God’s answers to earnest prayers we had made when we had nothing. He let me see more clearly. He let me understand what it meant to celebrate together.

In the Neighbourhood

God answering our prayers for Him, meant that God was in the neighbourhood and in a matter of time my time too would come. He helped me understand celebrating other peoples’ blessings even when your time hasn’t arrived. Not letting blessings end friendships. God was in the neighbourhood and that year, my breakthroughs came in multiple spheres. My tough seasons changed significantly. I taught myself very many lessons from this experience.
It is not all friendships founded in need and deed, survive success and plenty. It takes grace and humility to celebrate others’ blessings when your turn is not yet.
Acknowledging the blessing in other people’s lives is acknowledging God is in the neighbourhood and your time is coming.
Today, our friendship is great having been tested and survived.
Today we both live beyond the things we dreamed of.